Lips of An Angel
by 27dayz
Summary: Gil recieves a call while he's with Sara and realizes something very important about himself and his relationship with his best friend


AN: A songfic for the GCers...i'm not an angst writer, so i don't know just how well this will turn out. Just R and R. What should've happened after 'Way to Go'

Disclaimer: i don't own CSI or Lips of an Angel by Hinder (extremely good song)

Lips of an Angel

"I'm not ready to say goodbye ," Sara said softly. I smiled at her sincerity, but I couldn't help wondering why, at those words I thought of Catherine. Is this my way of saying goodbye to her, to the possibility that we could've picked up where we left off? Is this the way it was supposed to end? With me moving on and forgetting about my best friend? Am I saying goodbye to her? Do I want to?

"What are you thinking?" Sara asks, and I realize that I have been quiet for several moments. I hesitate, trying to come up with an excuse.

"Just about life and love," I lie. Well, it's not a complete lie. I did love her. Catherine, I mean. I did love Catherine, but we fell apart, fell back into a friendship that had none of our old closeness. We remained friends, an amazing feat after all that we've been through, but we had damaged our old friendship to a point where it could not exist without treading a dangerous line. Now we have a new friendship where we are friendly colleagues, where we talk occasionally, but fight back the urge to do anything more.

"About us?" Sara asks, once more breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yes," I lie, and even as I say it, I ponder how a relationship built on lies could ever survive. She grins, elated that I have said the one thing I know she wants to hear. My cell phone rings from the bedside table and I lean over to answer it.

"Must you?" she asks, with a tempting pout. I'm about to give in, but I see Catherine's number on my caller I.D, and I know I shouldn't answer it, but I have one weakness: Catherine Willows.

"I'm sorry, Sara. Forgive me?" I ask, already moving to exit the room.

"Of course," she says, but her voice is strained. I winced as I shut the door, walking into the living room, flipping to phone open.

_Honey, why are you callin' me, so late?_

_It's kinda hard to talk right now_

"Hello?" I ask, though I know who will answer.

"Hi, Gil," Catherine says on the other end. I smile in spite of myself.

"Hey, Catherine," I say softly, partly because that's how I always say her name and partly because Sara is in the next room, "What do you need?" I ask.

_And honey, why are you crying?_

_Is everything okay?_

"I…I don't know, Gil," she answers, but even I can tell that she is upset. One thing Catherine Willows never does is cry in front of anyone, but from the sound of her voice, I know that there are tears streaming down her cheeks right now.

"Catherine, are you alright? Why are you crying?" I ask, concerned. Did something happen? Was Lindsey okay? Was she okay?

_I've gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

"I don't know," she answers, and I can almost see her wiping her eyes in frustration, "Why-why are you whispering, Gil?" she asks. I didn't even notice I was doing it. I suppress a chuckle. Only Catherine would notice.

"I…" I don't know what to say, but as always, she fills in the blanks.

"There's someone there?" she finishes, waiting for me to confirm it.

"Yeah, sort of," I answer, using my free hand to scratch my head as I turned to look at the closed bedroom door.

_Well, my girl's in the next room,_

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

"Oh, Gil, I'm sorry! I'll let you go…" she sounds even more distressed.

"No!" I almost shout, "No, Catherine, it's okay," I say, calming down. Why do I want to keep her on the phone? Is it odd that I would rather talk to Catherine than Sara? It's not that I don't love Sara, but I find that sometimes when we're together, I'm thinking of Catherine. I just was before Catherine called. Not just when I'm talking with Sara, but when we lay awake in bed, or when we're getting ready for another night at work. It's not that Sara isn't attractive; in fact, looks have little to do with it. Catherine and Sara are polar opposites. Catherine is outgoing and is one of the few people who actually picks arguments with me and can win. Sara and I never argue, and when we do, I almost never cave in. Despite our differences, Catherine and I are close. She tells me things that she would never tell a soul, and I trust her with my secrets. We know each other inside and out.

"What's the matter, Cath?" I ask, truly concerned. No matter what happened, or didn't happen between us, I will always care for her.

_It's really good to hear your voice,_

_Sayin' my name,_

_It sounds so sweet,_

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

"Gil, are you sure?" she asks, and I have never been more sure of anything in my life. It has been a while since we've talked like this, and I am thankful for these moments. I had almost forgotten how good it sounds when she says my name. She always says the I-L softer than the G.

"Of course," I reply.

_Hearing those words, _

_It makes me weak_

"Thank you," she says simply, but it makes me melt because I can feel the sincerity in her voice.

"Now, what's the matter?" I ask.

"It's just this whole thing with Jim," she says and I can hear her voice break, "It could have been anyone of us," she chokes out. My heart aches for her.

"I know, Catherine. I was scared, too," I answer. I was being totally honest for the first time all night.

"It could have been you," she says, sobbing. For a moment, all word deserted me. Only she could ever fill me with that much emotion to physically hinder me.

_And I never wanna say goodbye,_

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

I never want to hang up the phone. I want to get into my car and drive to her house and take her in my arms. I want to hold her, tell her that it will be okay, that it is okay. But I can't because that would mean betraying Sara. I don't want to do that.

"It could have been you, too," I finally manage, "I'd never forgive myself if it had been."

I wouldn't have if it had been Catherine. I would have lost it right there and forgotten Sara. I would've fought with the doctors to stay by her side. She was my angel.

_It's funny that you're callin' me, tonight_

_And yes, I dreamt of you, too_

"I'm sorry I called, but I just needed to talk to you," she was saying.

"Call anytime," I respond, and I mean it. How funny is it that as I was thinking of her, she calls? Maybe I should think of her more often.

"You know, I had a dream about you, earlier. You were in the hospital and I couldn't save you," she said shakily, and suddenly I understand why she felt the need to call. She wanted to make sure I was still here. I'm here.

"Who are you talking to?" I can hear a man's voice on the other end. I stiffened, resisting an urge to actually take the drive and kick the guy's ass, but I can see the hypocrisy of it. I'm here with Sara, yet she can't have a little comfortwhen we're all feeling vulnerable after seeing our friend lying in the hospital, battling for his life? I don't think so. I can hear Catherine gently tell the guy to give her some space.

_Does he know you're talking to me?_

_Will it start a fight?_

_No, I don't think she has a clue._

"Does he know you're talking to me?" I ask.

"Now he does," she answers. I'm sheepish hoping this guy won't give her trouble like Eddie did. "He won't care," she answers my unasked question.

"A little company?" I ask. She chuckles dryly.

"Just for now," and she sounds almost sad, "Does she know?" she asks and my gaze shifts from the white paint to the still closed door.

"No. I don't think she does," I reply in a soft voice. Sara is an intelligent woman, but she knows nothing of me and Catherine.

_Well, my girl's in the next room,_

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

Her question has brought me back to the knowledge that Sara was sitting on the bed waiting for me. Had she been Catherine, she would have barged out into the living room five minutes ago. But she's not Catherine. She doesn't think like Catherine. She's not blunt like Catherine. She doesn't get an intense look in her eyes when she is passionate about something, like the way Catherine's eyes betray her every emotion, so much like mine. Why do I want to walk back through that door and find Catherine laying on my bed?

_It's really good to hear your voice,_

_Sayin' my name,_

_It sounds so sweet,_

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

"Gil?" she asks, saying my name again.

"Yes, Catherine?"

"Are you alright?" she asks. Even if I lie to her, she'll know the truth. She knows me like a book.

"No," I say truthfully. She can make an honest man out of me.

"What's wrong?" she asks, genuinely concerned.

_Hearing those words, _

_It makes me weak_

"I just can't stop thinking… about everything," I explain. I am surprised by how easily this came out, and how my voice only cracked midway.

"Care to share?" she asks. I open my mouth to speak, but the words don't come.

"I…I can't," I finally say.

"Well, you know who you can talk to, if you need to, Gil. I care about you," she tells me, perhaps knowing there was someone waiting for me. Yes, I know who I can talk to. She's the same woman who can fill my old tin heart full of staggering emotion. She breaks me down with words and feelings. Her name is Catherine Willows.

_And I never wanna say goodbye,_

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"I know, Catherine. Thank you," I say, fighting the mad desire to pour my heart out over the phone, to beg her to come over, to plead with her to hold me. I want her so bad, physically and mentally, but there's Sara in the next room.

"Anytime, Gil," the sincerity coming from her lips is almost too much for me to handle. God, she makes this harder than it already is.

Those were the last words spoken before the phone clicks off on her end. I look at my cell, just staring at her number still glowing on the caller I.D.

_It's really good to hear your voice,_

_Sayin' my name,_

_It sounds so sweet,_

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

'Anytime, Gil.'

Her words echoed in my head. She made it sound so reassuring, so sweet all at the same time. She would always be there for me.

_Hearing those words, _

_It makes me weak_

'Anytime, Gil.'

Here I thought the conversation was over, but the memory off five seconds ago remained strong in my mind. Was it her goal to bring me to my knees three times in one night?

_And I never wanna say goodbye,_

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

I look at my still open phone, wondering why I haven't closed it yet.

I figure it out.

I would be saying goodbye to her if I closed it. That's what I want, right? I want to close Catherine out of my life and only focus on Sara, right?

But do I want to? Do I want to say goodbye to Catherine?

No, I don't, I decide, opening the door back into the bedroom, the open cell phone still clutched in my hand.

Sara's standing at the foot of the bed, waiting for me.

_And I never wanna say goodbye,_

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

"Who was that?" she asks the inevitable. I look into her soft brown eyes and wish they were a vivid blue. I am thinking of Catherine again. She's not here, but she's still making it so difficult for me to stay loyal to Sara. What woman would want her boyfriend to look at her and see another woman, to think about another woman, to need another woman?

"A friend," I lie, for Catherine is not my friend. She is my whole world. She's my angel. Why did I realize it so late? Is it too late for us? Why did it take so long for us to make that call? I thought it was over. I tried to move on, so why is she calling me now? Maybe niether of us can move on. I can't.

_Honey, why are you callin' me, so late?_

'Anytime, Gil.'

From the lips of an angel.

Finis


End file.
